Cayenne Pepper

A little dab'll do ya.

The video algorithm displayed a series of health-related do-it-yourself videos including drinking hydrogen water, maintaining healthy livers, advantages of cold showers, and the benefits of cayenne pepper. This last one intrigued Clint because he did have some of the store-bought stuff in his pantry but could never remember using it. How it got there was even a mystery because neither he nor his wife would’ve bought it on purpose.

“Hon, you’ve got to see this video on Cayenne Pepper. Fascinating,” Clint said.

“Riveting probably. A lot like watching concrete cure. You must be new around here,” said Sara. “We don’t do cayenne pepper in this house.”

“Well, we have some in the pantry just itching to get used.”

“Really? Well, you can’t believe everything you hear or read on the internet.”

“True, but if people are benefiting from it and doctors are saying it’s safe, then is it worth a shot?” asked Clint.

“Clint, cayenne pepper? You’re out of our gourd. That stuff’s hot hot hot. Just don’t pour it on my food.”

“Says here a half teaspoon in 8 ounces of water and down the hatch. Worth a try. How bad can it be?” said Clint.

“I’ll get the fire extinguisher and the cold water.”

Clint sniffed his mixture. Sara had her camera ready.

“Don’t you dare film me,” Clint said. “I’ll get all self-conscious and whatnot.”

“Too late, Buddy. Come on, down the hatch as you say. How hard can it be? Remember those words a minute ago?”

Clint held the glass and looked through it to his wife. Shrugging his shoulders, he put the glass to his lips and chugged the whole glass. He slammed the glass on the table and said, “See, it wasn’t so…hukhnwuk iwhksyw ykhd oiwerowq. Water huhsiksis water emrntiwpqs water.”

Sara handed him another glass of water and was still videoing him. His face had turned beet red as he downed the first glass of clean water. He turned on the faucet and shoved his head under it.

A full 30 minutes after Clint drank the cayenne pepper water, Sara said, “I wasn’t going to tell you this but, eh, whatever. Told ya. First of all, you need glasses because that measuring spoon was a full teaspoon not a half. And secondly, these are the kinds of things you need to ease into like maybe a quarter of a quarter teaspoon or a dash, but not a whole teaspoon.”

“Now you tell me. That was a rush! I think I’ll go for seconds,” Clint said.

“There really is no hope for you, is there?”