For Sale
“Psst. Hey buddy.”
“What? You talking to me?”
“Yeah, you. C’mere.”
“Uh, I don’t think…”
“Come on. I’m not gonna hurt ya. That’s for bad guys and bad movies and such. C’mere. Got something to show ya.”
“What?”
He cleared his throat.
“You’re a writer, right?”
I nodded.
“Need any,” he said as he looked around for eavesdroppers. “Need any adverbs? I’ve got a fresh batch of ‘em. I mean really really super duper freshly and superbly marginalized adverbs.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You’re a writer and you don’t know what adverbs are?”
“Of course I know what adverbs are. Don’t need them because I really really really don’t use them that much.”
“For real? Could have fooled me. How ‘bout dangling participles?”
“Seriously? I don’t do those, whatever they are.”
“Sure you do, everyone does them. You’ve heard of New Math? It’s the new English. You’ll get used to it. But have I got a deal on adjectival phrases.”
I sighed. “Considering the source, you’re not giving me good vibes here. Sorry, not interested.”
“Commas, semi-colons, ellipses?”
“I’ve got plenty of ‘em; in fact, I overuse ‘em. Maybe I can sell some of them back…to…you.”
“Now, how would that be for you to sell me? No, that wouldn’t work. But have I got one for you that you won’t be able to say no to.”
“You do know you just ended that sentence with a preposition, don’t you?”
“And your point is?”
“Okay, What’s this ‘gotta have’ item you’re dying to sell me? Go ahead and surprise me. I’m listening.”
He looked around to make sure no one else was listening. And again. “Just for you, fresh and aesthetically pleasing onomatopoeia.”
“Pffft. Officer!”
I think I shadily acquired some rarely-used adjectives from that guy. It wasn't worth it. Buying some dangling participles from him too, he just laughed at me.
You Know you gotta get those adverbs. Laughing so hard. Great Read as usual.