He Favored Italian

Bested by Edna

NOTE: Hat tip to Noel Hyde for this gem. Karen, great story.

Tyler S. Rossini III favored Italian.

Cars, clothes, shoes, and even his wife had Italian blood.

As a Managing Partner at Fenway Rossini & Todd PC, the most prestigious law firm in the City, he could afford Italian and anything else he wanted.

At 48, Rossini was worth tens of millions because he was a sought-after litigation attorney. This month, however, the State Public Utility Commission needed Rossini’s firm to make a few presentations in several small towns throughout rural Oklahoma. His job was to persuade the towns to place cell towers at strategic points in town. Rossini had conferred with the government’s attorneys and bureaucrats on strategy, content, and schedules. The only thing left were the razzle dazzle of the speeches.

“Hon, I’m speaking in some hodunk town in eastern Oklahoma tomorrow night. Which suit do you think would impress?”

Carole walked into the closet and surveyed his suit, tie, and shirt collection. His closet was easily twice the size of hers, not counting her small shoes closet.

“Meh, go with your oldest.”

“Ya think?”

“Absolutely.”

“All right, you’re the fashion queen around here. Wanna come with me?”

“Not on your life. I’m holding a garden party with the Society Ladies tomorrow night. Are you sure you don’t want to stick around with me and make fun of all their makeup and gawdy jewelry?”

“Naaa. I’d like to, but I’ve got a challenge on my hands with this little town. Two hours away. We’re not taking the corporate jet this time. Too contentious. The P-U-C has been there four times and they won’t budge on those cell towers. Seems they’re stuck in the 50s technology wise.”

Tyler chose two suits plus matching ties and shoes, even though he’d only need one. Rossini traveled enough to prepare for every contingency. Convinced by Carole that a few of his suits were too old, he was planning to give the clothing away when he returned. It was still tailored to his body but two years out of fashion.

Rossini and his team spent a full 90 minutes presenting their case with logical, well-reasoned arguments for three new cell towers at the outskirts of town. Back in the City, firm consultants said to target three towers but hope for one. Tyler was sure the passion and emotion he put into the speech would change hearts and minds. Even as he took his seat next to Town Council members, he was hoping for an Oscar nomination based on that performance.

When it was time for Q&A, several people stood in line at the microphone and asked their own questions.

Again, Rossini, loosened his tie a bit, politely addressed the concerns and moved on to the next person.

One lady remained.

She stepped up the mic and the audience cheered. Rossini looked at his team and wondered who she was and why they cheered.

“Mah name’s Edna and I don’t want no towers put in mah town. Been here all mah life without needin’ no towers. Ya come here in yer fancy hunnert dollar suits tryin’ to impress us. Well, it ain’t gonna work. Why don’t ya jes go back to your City and tell them to put in more towers there. Ya ain’t wanted ‘round here, so go on, git!”

As she turned, the audience again cheered, clapped, and rose to their feet.

When the Council finally voted that evening, 8-3 in favor of installing a single cell town on the edge of town at a spot designated to have the best overall coverage.

One other Managing Partner, Conrad Fenway, was along on the trip. The entire drive home, Fenway couldn’t help laughing and repeating the money line that would eventually become part of the firm’s lore, “you and your fancy hunnert dollar suits…”

Tyler S. Rossini III favored Italian and there weren’t hunnert dollar suits anywhere near his neighborhood, let along his wardrobe.

Not by a long shot.