Nontrust

Short Story Day 88 of 365

He went to the pantry searching for cream of tomato soup, not the national brand, but the store brand. Out of all the cream of tomato soups Corey had ever tried, this was the best with real diced tomatoes in it. Corey wasn’t a soup guy, per se, but loved the tomatoey bisque and cream of tomato soups on the market. Someone once asked him what the difference was and he didn’t know, but he liked them both.

“Missy, I think we have a problem in the pantry. I’ve getting nervous now.”

“What? You can’t find your creamy tomato or whatever it is you call it?”

Corey sighed and leaned his head against the door jam. “Worse than that. You know how, um, we’ve been talking about how government regulations are coming out at breakneck speed and how they’ve gone too far?”

“Not that again.”

“No no no, hear me out. You’re gonna want to hear this. I found all the soup I need. Gonna be great too with a grilled ham and cheese with a bit of smoked brisket and Thad Berman’s flavored barbeque sauce inside…”

“Corey, is there a point in all this?”

“Sorry, just looking forward to my favorite lunch is all. So as I was rummaging through the pantry, I came across the absolute biggest scam known to the canned food industry.”

“I didn’t know the canned food industry had so many that you could count them all.”

Corey said, “Now, you’re being sarcastic while I’m trying to make a serious point.”

“Sorry. You’re right. Go ahead. Whatever was I thinking?”

He glared at her over the top of his glasses.

Corey said, “That’s better. So this scam the government’s got. Why didn’t we see it earlier?”

Missy said, “I wish you’d get to a point before our kids all grow up and are taking care of us in a nursing home.”

Corey pulled out a can and showed it to Missy.

“Ok. What about it?” Missy asked.

“Feel it.”

Missy held the can in her hand and read it.

“This better be good because I really don’t know what you’re getting at.”

“You don’t see it?”

“No, I don’t.”

“What is it?”

“A can of evaporated milk.”

“Exactly,” Corey said and waited.

Missy shook her head. “No, I don’t see the significance of a can of evaporated milk.”

“Think about what you just said.”

Missy closed her eyes and replayed her words.

Corey said, “Ok ok. Obviously you’re not going to get it unless I hand it to you on a silver platter. You’re holding a can of evaporated milk. Get it?”

Missy squinted and shook her head at Corey.

“Missy, if it’s evaporated…what exactly are you holding?”

“You need help, you really do.”

*****