Relocation Committee
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“City Animal Control. Corinna speaking. How may I help you?”
Tristan rubbed his forehead and took a deep breath.
“Yes, Corinna. I’ve got some squirrels and rabbits in my backyard that are a downright nuisance.”
“How many are we talking about?” Corinna asked.
“Three or four of each maybe. I’d like to see if Animal Control would come out and relocate them. They really are destroying my backyard.”
“OK, sir. By destroying, you mean what exactly? Gnawing away at the foundation of you home, cutting down trees, what exactly?”
“Holes, Corinna, holes. Holes all over my yard. And quite frankly, I’m getting sick of ‘em.”
“Understand, but unfortunately, rabbits and squirrels are not something that Animal Control typically handles. Unless it’s an enormous infestation of rabbits and squirrels. Now if it were a coyote or bobcat or heaven forbid a bear. We also relocate rattlesnakes when we’re aware of them. But squirrels and rabbits and birds and non-poisonous snakes, well, we just let nature take its course.”
“I see.”
“Here’s what you do, sir,” said Corinna. “Go out and buy a cheap trap. Should be about 25, 30 bucks at your home improvement store. Capture these critters one by one and take them far away from your present location, and then let them loose. That’s what we would do with the critters I mention, except maybe the rattlesnakes.”
“So, releasing them in our Home Owners Association President’s yard is fine? Does that work?”
“Sir, where you release them is entirely up to you. And no, this call is not being recorded for quality purposes.”
“Thank you for your time, Corinna. You’ve been helpful.”
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