Tales of a Shopping Cart

Some don't know when to quit

Due to a recent case of police brutality against four joy-riding teens, police departments across the State were beefing up their security and awareness protocols. The local media blew the case out of proportion and skirted the facts of the case. After the news was out, truth, though, didn’t matter.

As Officer Patterson of the Meridian County Sheriff’s Department was finishing the last bite of his sandwich, he was startled by a thud and a shaking of his squad car. He turned towards the noise and saw a full-sized shopping cart resting next to his squad. Someone had shoved the shopping cart against the car. After he made eye contact with the woman - a lady with multi-colored hair in her 50s - she began screaming profanities at him. Patterson took one more sip from his coffee, made a brief radio call, and swung open the door, shoving the cart aside. The lady backed up and pointed her key fob at her car ten feet away.

“Lady, I’m not gonna hurt you…” Patterson said, holding up his hands, but she was already in her car and he heard the car door lock. He motioned with his hand to roll down her window and reached towards the back of his utility belt and felt his handcuffs.

She put down her window two inches and said, “What are ya gonna do with those cuffs, you @&$*% pig? Arrest me?”

“No, sorry to disappoint, but I’m not arresting you.”

Patterson looked back at his vehicle and squinted. There was not even a hint of a dent or scratch from the shopping card. City Procurement had certainly done its job when ordering the new vehicles with reinforced metal.

“I just want to know why you did that.”

“As if you don’t know...”

After listening to no less than 20 insults against him, his department, his gender, and his family, Patterson nodded but said nothing.

He opened one end of the handcuffs and attached it to the shopping cart and the other end to the lady’s car door.

In the end, he’d have to pay for a new set of handcuffs and endure a light reprimand from his shift commander. Even local news organizations would pick up the story as a humor piece, but he drove away knowing she wouldn’t be having a nice day despite his parting words to that effect.