The Anonymous Tip

When duty calls...

At 1:06 am Wednesday, my boss texted me about an anonymous tip that came through the hotline, and could I go investigate immediately? One in the morning, mind you.

Of course, I could. That was my job. Day or night. Night or day. 24/7/365, much to my wife’s displeasure, but what does she know about true investigative work?

After I confirmed I would stake out the place, my boss asked if I would wear my wide brimmed hat and overcoat. Trying to goad me. He’s a clown, that guy.

But, how could he possibly know? Wife asks the same thing about my attire. Both can’t stand that I get into the cloak and dagger mode so passionately. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say they were in cahoots. Never mind that it’s 95 degrees after midnight, my uniform’s my uniform, isn’t it? It’s what I chose and someone else is springing for the bill, so why not do it up right?

The address was 300 East Howard Street. Seemed familiar. I pulled up to the home and stood under the street lamp nearby. I didn’t want to act like I was hiding in the shadows or anything. I would’ve lit a cigarette but I don’t smoke or chew or go with girls who do. Ha ha. Oh, I crack myself up sometimes. Let’s just say I was sweating bullets under that rain coat. I knew I didn’t have to wait long for the perps to do their thing. It didn’t matter that I was standing right there for all the world and Moses to see. The perps had to violate. It’s just what perps do.

Even though the tips coming into our system are anonymous, it still records phone numbers. The late night tips are usually more urgent than those in broad daylight. I’m like a fireman who’s got to respond to emergencies in the dead of night else tragic loss can occur. That’s why I lay out my clothing before I hit the sack each night. I’m pretty sensitive to my text buzzing at night. My wife can sleep through a train wreck, and sometimes does with the way I snore. But I digress.  

So there I was, waiting, just salivating at what I would see in a few minutes.

And I wasn’t disappointed.

For 100 solid minutes, I captured video at 300 E. Howard Street with my night vision camera. You can’t see much because it was 2 am, but you can hear it all. All of it. I was able to capture the front of the home as well as the actual 300 address in case the perp tried to say it could’ve been any home.

Here’s the thing, these people are flagrant violators of the law. It’s posted all over town, on street corners, on our website, and they even get a mailer twice before it goes into effect. But the need to beautify and greenify lawns is overwhelming for these residents. The sheer arrogance that they think they can get away with such egregious behaviors is incomprehensible to me, Lawrence “Cody” Greene, Code Violation Enforcement –Water Waste Division.

“Lawn and Landscaping Water Restriction: Saturdays Only between 9pm and 6am until further notice. Violators will be fined for each offense.”

How clear of a notice can you get?

The home owners will be fined and given larger fines for each offense. I will note in my report that Zone 3 in 300 E. Howard’s yard is gushing water and wasting most of it on dirt since the sprinkler head is missing. Maybe they’ll thank me for saving them money on their monthly water bill.

Probably not.