The Beeps

If only he had thought ahead.

Beep.

Maynard first heard the beep at, well, who really knows what time the beeps started sounding when it’s still dark outside and he was still trying to wipe sleep from your eyes? All he knows was he first heard the distant beeps and felt the need to shut them up. At first he thought it was part of the box springs or mattress creaking because it had the tendency to do that when one or both of its users rolled over just right.

Beep.

But it clearly wasn’t that because neither he nor his wife moved the next time he heard it.

With the very next chirp, he looked over at the large numbers on the night clock, 4:18. He was due to get up in less than an hour but it couldn’t wait. The chirps wouldn’t stop until he stopped them.

Beep.

He threw off the covers, jumped in the shower, and then went to investigate. He was up for the duration and wasn’t planning on going back to sleep.

Beep.

The offending smoke alarm was in his office and the beep indicated a low battery.

Beep.

When they bought the house, they were well aware of the 11-foot ceilings because it made the house seem bigger. With such high ceilings came the challenges of changing light bulbs and smoke alarm batteries. He bought a ten-foot ladder for that purpose, but it was hard to get the ladder in and out of the garage without bumping into a wall or scraping something. It was the price he was now paying for high ceilings.

Beep.

Before he got the ladder out of the garage, he went to the junk drawer to make sure he had an extra 9-volt battery. He found the last one they had and made a mental note to buy some extras the next time he went to the store. Of course, mental notes at 5 a.m. don’t mean much. He had run out of those batteries before in the middle of the night and he had no choice but to get new ones to stop the persistent beeps. This was the first time he would change his office alarm battery since they moved here more than a year ago.

Beep.

But this time he only had to get the ladder out of the garage, bring it into the office, climb to the top, figure out how to open the alarm, and replace the battery.

All at 4:30 a.m.

Beep.

As he opened the door to the garage, he remembered they were now parking the car inside the garage. It was a two-year-old model, the newest he had ever purchased, so he had to take great care getting the ladder off the far wall and bringing it around the car and into the house.

Beep.

Turns out it was easier than he thought. He lifted the ladder, swung it around the car, opened the inside door to the house, and eased it inside. He only scraped the door jamb twice in the move, so that wasn’t too bad.

Beep.

After he finally finagled it into his office, he stood it up, put on some shoes, and climbed to the top. When he got there, he realized he didn’t have the battery he pulled from the drawer, so he had to get down, grab the battery from the shelf, and climb the ladder again.

“This 4:30 stuff is for the birds,” he thought.

Beep.

Maynard pulled his phone from his back pocket and turned on the flashlight app, popped open the battery compartment, and rested his head on his forearm at the top of the ladder.

This was not his morning.

Beep.

This alarm was older and it took 4 AAA batteries instead of a single 9-volt. He already knew he didn’t have any of those because he just looked in the junk drawer for the 9-volts, so he disconnected the battery and the beeping stopped. He could run to the store now at 5 a.m. but the beeping halted, so why press the issue? His office would be vulnerable for a few hours, but what could happen in that short time period?

Maynard looked at the time app on his phone.

4:48.

The beeps were gone, but he really didn’t want to go to the store to buy batteries.

“On the other hand,” he thought. “I could be in and out of the store fast at this time of the morning and no one would even know I was gone.”

Before he had time to rethink his decision, he was in the garage with the car started, wishing he had thought ahead to buy AAA batteries at a more sane hour of the morning.