The Lab Rats

A different perspective

“Monica!” Sal called out in his singing voice.

“Yeah, Sal. I know that tone. You’re up to no good.”

“Yes, but that no good will benefit all of us,” Sal said. “Take a look at what Ms. PhD in the white lab coat didn’t do a few minutes ago before she left.”

“Didn’t do?”

Sal pointed with his head towards the cage door.

Monica scrambled over and examined the lock.

“Well I’ll be,” Monica said. “What are they pumping out at those institutions of higher learning these days? Their carelessness is our gain, I guess.”

“Plus,” Sal said, “I overheard her say it’s a long weekend so we have three days to do what we want and go where we want even before they figure out we’re missing. This is gonna be great. Talk about your irony. We may be lab rats but we’re also keen observers of human behavior.”

“True. True. Let’s get busy, Sal. We’ve got a lot of rooms to get into and cage doors to open. No use jawing about it. We can dream after everyone’s free.”  

Once Sal and Monica freed themselves from their cage, they opened each of the cages in the room. Fortunately, they were tiny enough to fit under the door so they could help free their larger captives elsewhere.

Before leaving the room, though, Sal stood on a table ledge and looked down at more than a hundred free rats and mice from Room 26A.

“Fellow rodents. We have an obligation to free all of those in captivity. We’ll start with the rabbits in 24A and then the pigeons in 23A.”

“What about the snakes in 29?”

“Snakes? Hmm. Good question. I say we do. But that’ll take some muscle. They’re all in glass aquariums with heavy lids.”

“Forget about the physical labor it takes, don’t we run a risk with them on the loose?”

“Listen, if we play our cards right, we release the rabbits and there will be plenty of, er, food for the snakes. They’ll figure out that we were the ones who freed them from their enslavement.”

“Sal, that’s not how snakes work,” Monica said. “They’ll come after us, I’m sure of it. We’re just the right size for them. I say we keep them locked up. We don’t owe them a thing. If the snakes were setting us free, it’d be for one purpose: easy dinner.”

“Well,” Sal said. “I’ll be setting them free and I’ll need some help lifting the covers. You can leave if you want but I’m about freeing the captives. Who’s with me?”

A cheer rose up and the mice scattered.

So, as Head Rat in Charge, Sal made the command decision to release the snakes.

On Monday, the lab personnel almost tripped over six very fat snakes in room 29. The reptiles didn’t – or couldn’t – move much when in the presence of the lab keepers, but they did seem to be wearing contented smiles.