The Only Possible Response
He had one job.
The text with a selfie of Sylvia came in just as Trevor was ready to start the car.
“Does this dress make me look big?” she asked.
Trevor smiled.
One of the only pieces of advice his father gave him before he passed away at a young age was to answer ‘No.’ No other response would ever suffice.
Ever.
His father said, “Even if you have to lie, the answer is always always always ‘No.’ Trust me on that, Son. And you will eventually be asked. Defend that answer to the death!”
Presently, Sylvia had gone clothes shopping and was trying on new dresses for an upcoming wedding of an old college friend.
“I got this,” Trevor said out loud and then started the car.
“Nooo,” he texted his reply.
Before he could pull out of the garage and shut the garage door, his phone dinged several times, indicating several texts had come through.
“She must be giving my comment several hearts. Cool,” he said, knowing he could certainly use bonus marriage points.
When he arrived at the auto parts store, he checked his phone and had 17 incoming messages, all from Sylvia.
“What!!”
“How could you say something like that???”
“I might not even come home today!”
And several more texts from Sylvia, mostly unprintable for polite audiences.
He scrolled up to where it all started.
“Does this dress make me look big?” read the text, plus a selfie of Sylvia.
Whether it was autocorrect or just plain fat fingers, Trevor realized the problem and the dozens of roses he’d have to buy to begin dousing that raging fire.
“Moooo,” was his unedited response.