The Punter

Short Story Day 26 of 365

“So, Doc, it’s like I have this recurring dream, and then when I wake up I pretend it’s real.”

“Tell me about it,” the therapist said.

“I have this dream that I’m a professional punter. I even know how I got there. While I was in high school, I bought two regulation footballs and made it a habit to punt the balls 50 times per day every day. Of course, as I got a little more money together I bought more balls so I wouldn’t have to retrieve my balls so often.”

“Go on. What then?”

Then the high school football coach noticed and so I was a punter for the team. Because I’ve practiced so much, I got pretty good, so then I got a scholarship to at least six Division 1 schools. I went to college, all the while practicing every day. At the college level, I didn’t really have to work hard and they provided me with a center to hike me the ball which made it more realistic.”

“Fascinating. Go ahead.”

“Then I got drafted into the NFL, the big leagues. I had been in every punting scenario imaginable, back against the end zone, bad snaps, you name it. And so that’s where I’m here today. It’s like the best life as a professional athlete. I perform in front of millions of people and I get paid to kick the ball three or four times a game. They pay me a lot for what I do. Very little risk of injury, but in my dream, I wake up wanting to punt the ball. I don’t get hurt because I’ve done it so much, I’m the best there is. That pretty much covers it.”

“Have you ever been a punter before?”

“Are you kidding me, Doc? Punters are sissies where I come from. Teams need them but it’s not as if they’re actually athletes. They’re not a real man’s man, if you know what I mean.”

“I think I do.”

“So, give it to me straight do, am I going nuts, Doc?”

The therapist chuckled. “Hardly. You just have this compelling desire not to be a pro quarterback anymore. That’s all. I wouldn’t worry too much about it.”