The Toe Stub
After more than three hours of waiting for the call from the recruiter, Raymond jumped when he heard the first ring. He had dozed off, dreaming about the job, the perks, not being unemployed anymore, and being able to provide for his family again.
If he had to do all over again, he would’ve put the phone right next to him so he wouldn’t sound rushed when he answered it.
But he didn’t.
The first four steps were fine. It was the fifth step right into the coffee table leg that set his mind to wildness. When his right pinky toe met the wooden leg, one had to give, and it wasn’t the coffee table leg. With a shout, a holler, and several wild exclamations out of the way before the fifth ring, he composed himself enough to answer.
“Raymond Manners here,” Raymond said, his eyes bulging and water flowing down his cheeks.
“Raymond, Chelsea Banks. I have some good news for you, Raymond….”
After that, Raymond didn’t hear much. Chelsea rattled off a salary, a start date, and a ‘must be accepted by’ date. He heard very little of her health care, 401k, dental or other corporate benefits he would be acquiring if he accepted the position. The pain was writhing in his toe and he could see it turning dark red as Chelsea continued to talk, oblivious to Raymond’s barefooted plight.
“Do you have any questions for me, Raymond? I’ll be sending all of this information to you to look over and sign at your leisure.”
“Fine fine. No, no questions,” he said, really wanting to the end the conversation.
“Well, Raymond. Congratulations on the offer. We look forward to hearing from you one way or another.”
“Thank you. Goodbye, Chelsea,” Raymond said letting out an Tarzan-like sustained yell as he put the phone down.
What transpired next is the kind of audio that breaks the internet if it’s recorded.
Chelsea hadn’t quite hung up the phone when she heard Raymond yell. In fact, Raymond never pressed the Off button and Chelsea heard the lunatic ravings of a man who just got a new job offer. It was a refreshing and joyous occasion, and she was glad to have a small part of it. After about three minutes, she hung up and stopped the recording, something the company had been doing for the last two years to make sure recruiters didn’t overpromise. Fortunately, the company was in a State that didn’t require two-party permission, so technically it was legal to record without the candidate knowing, but it was a moral gray area for recruiting.
Finally, he could mourn the pain in his toe the way it should be mourned. He limped to the kitchen and poured himself some coffee.
The internet would eventually want to see the man behind the joyous yell. Hopefully, his toe would have recovered in time to participate.
*****
Good read today!